Monday, November 16, 2009

Midnight at the Oasis

Many years ago, perhaps long before my wife and I ever met, "she" caught my eye. I actually never thought much about our first meeting other than how extremely wonderful she had made me feel. A chance encounter at the time. One to cherish and hold dear to my heart as I went forward with my life. I never forgot about her and how she made me feel and truly never thought our paths would ever cross again.
One day, as I was shopping for myself, we ran into one another once again. Memories of our first meeting flooded my mind, my pulse raced, my breathing became rapid and shallow. There was no denying what I was feeling and I knew that she had felt the same about me. How, you may ask? Her smiling face for starters. Oh how I remembered that gorgeous red hair and those wide bright blue eyes always piercing me to the very depths of my soul. She knew the way to a mans heart and she was not afraid to tempt fate. I knew what was to come in my life and what would become of us!
As the years went by she and I would connect, maybe it would not be every day, Lord knows that it may be weeks or months before we would meet. Our rendezvous would be casual, always watching my back to be so sure that no one would be watching. When we were together it was totally heaven on earth but as I grew older, I knew it would have to soon stop.
But how could I? Knowing how much she meant to me, knowing how much we both enjoyed our private meetings and the feelings of extreme passion that we shared. I never wanted this to stop.
My guilt became evident early one morning when I awoke and came into the kitchen to poor myself my first cup of coffee. As I sleepily walked in and sat down in my easy chair, slowly sipping my hot cup of coffee, I saw an odd look on my wife's face.
"You didn't sleep well last night did you?" She ask, continuing with,"You got out of bed sometime through the night and disappeared didn't you?"
I knew in my heart that she knew what I had been doing all these years. I was so afraid that she would be able to see or rather feel the love that I have always had for my secret red haired friend. I mean how could I hide this affair that I was having and have been having for all these years? I loved my wife and do so with all my heart but my attraction with the other woman has been growing long before my wife and I ever met.
"Oh babe, I just went to the bathroom is all" I said, trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes, actually trying to hide the true emotion that I knew my eyes would reveal.
I knew I had been found out and I did not want my marriage to end nor did I want problems and be accused of ruining something wonderful. So I called all future meetings with "her" off until I knew my wife's suspicions had subsided. No more would I climb out of the bed and head off with those thoughts in my heart and mind. No more would I crave her sweet touch or her creamy flesh. I had to stop for my own good.
But the longer I stayed away from her, the more I wanted her. I would find myself lying in bed with my wife's head on my chest, sleeping peacefully, with thoughts of the other woman drifting through my mind. I could see those lovely blues eyes searching for my soul in the darkness. I could see her as I did in the grocery store long ago, that red hair neatly placed underneath an occasional hat that she wore. She tempted me, she taunted me, she craved my touch as much as I craved hers. How could I stay away from her, she made me feel so wonderful, so wanted, so needed? I had to have her. I could no longer sleep. My nights were disturbed every hour on the hour, knowing my heart wanted her.
Then when I felt that my wife had given up on her suspicions, I made my decision. I had to see her at least one more time.
The very next night my wife and I went to bed as usual. Cuddled as we have done since we were first married. I knew what I was going to do. I already had it planned out. As soon as my wife was asleep and I knew she was in deep wonderland, I would make my move and keep my rendezvous. At 2:30 am, I awoke out of my sleep, as if awoken by a deeply set clock deep inside my soul. I slowly got out of bed and made my way to her.
A few days later, as I made my way towards the coffee pot for that morning coffee, my wife was not her usually cheerful self. I sat down in my easy chair and knew something was on her mind. "You have began having trouble sleeping again haven't you?" She ask.
"You were sleeping well for a long time but this week you have been gone out of bed every night I have noticed."
My God! How could she have possibly known what I was doing. I mean, this woman sleeps like a rock. She could never know where I have been. Lord I hope it isn't over!
"I noticed that there are certain things in the living room floor of the mornings that were not there when we went to bed".
What things I wondered? I was so very careful to cover myself. I knew that there was no possible way she could have seen evidence of what I have been doing. And yes, God yes I had been careful to remove any trace of our meetings from the living room floor. But was there any way I could have forgotten something? Possibly, after all, it was dark and I never ever wanted to turn on a light, not for any reason.
"What kind of things did you find in the floor?" I ask. "Just different papers....and wrappers. Someone left wrappers in the floor through the night as well." She replied.
Dear sweet God,,,the wrappers! No, please Lord I could not have been so careless to have left wrappers in the floor. But apparently I did. Now it was time to come clean.
"Babe..." I said, "I am guilty. I have been getting out of bed around 2 or 3 in the morning and doing things that I am not exactly proud of."
Oh man the look in her eyes tore my soul loose. I began to tell her how all of this had been taking place and why I felt in my heart that I had to meet this red haired wonder. And even told her how long were had been meeting. I wondered if it was over, if I had lost my wife's trust. When she looked at me with those sad eyes, that smile no longer on my wife's face, she began telling me why I needed to break this affair off and forget about the other woman.
"You know that this can't work. You know how that these midnight rendezvous will eventually hurt you in ways that you can't imagine." I knew she spoke the truth.
"I know that you feel that you need this and that you can't live without her. But if you don't stop these late night meetings with her, you will pay for it in the future. Do you know what she will do to your heart? How she will hurt you and build up poisons inside you that will eventually make you sick. She will eventually take your heart and pound it to a pulp."
Oh God I knew she was right. I knew that "she" would eventually hurt me and that I may never get over that hurt. But how could I ever let her go. How could I ever live without seeing her or having a part of her in my life? But for my sake and the sake of my marriage, I had to stop.
I made my promise to my wife to stop these late night affairs. I promised to stop seeing "her" and that I would not leave our bed unless I absolutely had to.
But being the love that my wife is and knowing my obsession with the other woman, she told me that I did not have to stop cold turkey, just stop doing this thing so much and especially so late at night.
She knew how much the other woman meant to me and was willing to meet me half way with my affair. I was so touched and almost moved to tears that I agreed. And immediately went to my red haired beauty to break it off as gently as possible.
I arose out of my seat and slowly, shamefully walked into the kitchen. Over to the pantry cabinet where I kept her through the day. I slowly opened the cabinet and reached in to take her gently in my hands. I held her close to me and looked lovingly into her sweet bright blue eyes.
"Deborah" I said, almost choked to tears,"we can't meet anymore my love. No more late night calls, you must promise me that you wont stand and call my name just to wake me and draw me to the kitchen."
"My wife knows now and she has warned me of the dangers that you can cause and what this affair of ours will ultimately do to us all."
I released her and slowly walked back to the living room to my wife and morning coffee.
That was months ago and I feel that my wife has gotten over it. I know that I still feel guilty but somewhat at ease knowing that I no longer have to hide my "Midnight at the Oasis". No more do I leave the bedroom heading for that rendezvous that could cost me so much. But I have to admit, we still do see one another from time to time. It isn't like it once was and we both understand. I am proud that I no longer "need" to meet her late at night and that we can come out of the closet or the cupboard as it actually is and enjoy ourselves in broad daylight. So much joy and pleasure she still brings to me and they are memories I will hold dearly.
So I write this blog for her, to her. So here is to my late night mistress, whom I have been secretly seeing for years. Here is to Deborah, or Debbie as many call her. My dear sweet blue eyed red haired Debbie,,precious and delicate "Little Debbie" who's peanut butter Nutty Bars with their 330 calories have kept me fulfilled and happy for so many years. No more meeting of the night, collecting fats and carbs, filling my arteries with muck. It has been great, but now it must end. My wife was right, Little Debbie would eventually destroy my heart and not shed a tear when I died.