Saturday, May 1, 2010

Entrer le idiot...(Enter the Fool)...fictional writings

The Fool is the spirit in search of experience. He represents the mystical cleverness bereft of reason within us, the childlike ability to tune into the inner workings of the world. The sun shining behind him represents the divine nature of the Fool's wisdom and exuberance, holy madness or crazy wisdom. On his back are all the possessions he might need. In his hand there is a flower, showing his appreciation of beauty. He is frequently accompanied by a dog, sometimes seen as his animal desires, sometimes as the call of the "real world", nipping at his heels and distracting him. He is seemingly unconcerned that he is standing on a precipice, apparently about to step off.

Never by choice do we become fools, it is a sentence that fate and life in general hands down to those who seek things in life that can never be ours. Searching for all eternity for the missing link to our souls, we become fools.

The guardian of the Fool is the fool. He owns his heart and all else that he has, he carries with him at all times. He understands that, life will once again deal him the hand that he has played so many times before and he must fold and walk away. He sheds no tears for his ill-gotten folly, why should he? This time is no different than the thousands of times before and sadly, many more times to come.
Although he knows the obvious outcome of each and every endeavor, he heads off on that lonely road once again searching for the thing that has earned him the name, "Le Idiot, The Fool". A name he did not choose for himself but fate thrust it into his face.

The inner workings of the fool are sacred, secret and fortified with layers upon layers of his remaining emotions. Dare not to voice the way he feels for certain, it will be used to taunt him, to mock him to torture the thin remnants of his soul. Why? Why does he continue on his quest? Knowing that only despair awaits him and with this in mind, why does he not simply drop the costume he has worn for ages? He is the fool and this is what he must continue to do. As written by Alexander Pope..."Nay, fly to altars; there they'll talk you dead; For fools rush in where angels fear to tread." He, the only one, who dares to do what others fear.

The Fool has been depicted as always having his dog following after him on his journey, biting at his heels constantly. The dog is not his for he owns no such creature that would ever be able to show any type of love or compassion. This animal represents desire, passion and the life that others have that he can never own. Biting at his heels as a constant reminder of the pain his heart feels each moment of the fools life. Does he ever glance back into the past? Second guessing his past decisions, wondering if he would return to one of those times long past? A second chance would be given him, a second chance to discard his appearance as the fool and embrace the life he wanted all along? No! For that life can never be relived. He could never endure the past tortures again.

Does he dare to dream? Once he did, maybe twice but now no more. Sadly, only a fool hope's in dreams, all the while deep with-in his heart he knows that dreams are merely foolish hope's.

And then, when it seems that all has failed, something comes his way. And for a small time, he discards his worn costume for a new one. One that makes him take the appearance of those whom he has come to call "normal". For a time, a brief time, he is a "Man", feeling as men do, loving as men do, caring as men do. For a brief time the fool has become prideful and walks in shoes that his feet are not accustomed to. For a brief time the fool feels as others do and is allowed to share his feelings with others. For a brief time he is someone and someone who cares. This limited time allows him to feel things his soul has longed for but not use to. He feels as if he is part of something and prays this never ends.....For a brief time.

Then, one day, he learns that the "man" was only the fool in a different costume. For he never was important. He was nothing more than a brief court jester in someone else court. Amused as they were at how well the fool could act, laughing at each display of emotion that he allowed to surface. He was the court jester and filled their lives with such comedic representation of life. They were amused. But to the fool, he was not acting. He was playing the role he wanted from his heart. No acting was required, he allowed his emotions to pour forth, flow from the deepest fountain of his soul. He was "a man", at least in his own heart.

Slow to realize, he rejected the notion that he had just a limited engagement in a court he could never call his own. His yearning to just simply "belong" aches deep with-in his soul. The purpose in life that each of us have, he can never seem to find, other than the amusement and plaything of others. The few personal belongings he owns are once again packed into the little bundle and thrown carelessly on his back. Sadly, painfully he sets out on the road he has traveled his entire life. Once again in search for those things others call normal, knowing they can never be his. Once again, with the dog nipping at his heels, laughing at his foolishness, driving him further down that lonely road.

Perhaps, as he wonders along that path, he once again stands at the edge of another precipice. Once again looking down at the endless void and knowing in his heart what it represents. Perhaps for a moment, a moment, he knows the easy way to Camelot. One step, only one step and all would forever be behind him. No more to play the part of the fool. No more will laughter be heard. No more will his heart and spirit be destroyed just for the amusement of others. No more! Just this once he will be taken serious and this once maybe, just maybe will those who laughed regret the fools departure from their courts. Doubtfully.

But on the horizon he eye's a structure. It appears to be another kingdom. Could this be Camelot? Could this be the place his soul has searched for? Perhaps this will be the final leg of his journey and after all these years and all the roads he has traveled, he may finally find peace and a purpose. He knows what they will expect of him as he enters through the gates. He knows what he must do but also knows what will happen once they have grown tired of him. But once more he walks in with pride and dignity. Once more he hears his name called, loudly, touching the core of his heart. Filling his life with purpose and gladness that he is yet once again, needed, wanted. Yes it is the announcement of his name that sets all of this in motion. Just the mention of his name giving him the determination to try once more...."Madam et monsieur...Entrer le idiot, Ladies and gentlemen...Enter the Fool".

  • It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,.... Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870) in 'A Tale of Two Cities'