Sailing

Christopher Cross once had a fantastic song out entitled "Sailing". The premise of the song was simple...dreaming.

We all dream each time we lay our heads down at night and I am no different. Sadly, we all dream during the day when we are rather fully awake and I am no different. I mean sadly because some of us do it while driving. And I am no different.

What we dream of depends upon our state of mind when we lie down. I think that our brains are like computers. Rather sophisticated computers that no one can copy to this day. Forget Artificial Intelligence this ole thing is far superior to anything man will ever be able to create. Once our eyes close and we enter sleep, we must download all information we gathered that day and process it. We do it when we sleep simply because the brain must not be preoccupied with daily going- ons when it does this. Ever open way to many windows up on an old version of Windows? Yep same thing, but we don't have System Restore to save us if it messes up.

Today I ventured back up the little hollow where I grew up. December being the last time I had visited that part of the country. Today was the first time I had seen my parents old place since it was torn down. Odd, very odd! I continued on up to my next customer to perform my job and each and every place I came to brought back so many fond memories. Memories of playing as a child and familiar areas where much happiness was found.

Christopher Cross said that, "It's not far to Never Neverland, no reason to pretend and if the wind is right you can find the joy of innocence again." I heard that song today on the radio and ventured down to innocence once again. Is there such a place? Age that I am, I find that, my dreams really do not seem to matter anymore.

"Fantasy, it get's the best of me, when I'm sailing..." Fantasy and dreaming are so close kindred that it gets sort of scary at times. Again, like dreams, my fantasies are few these days as well. Like Peter Pan in the movie "Hook", I grew up and stopped believing.

As I look back on my life, I can't seem to find very much that I am proud of. Not many, well if any, memorable things I have done. No differences I have ever made. So many choices I have made over these past 40 some odd years that I wish I could change most of them. Yes I know that our mistakes shape us and mold us to become better and stronger, if not wiser people and I partly believe that.

I have now gotten to the point in my aged life that, I want to dream again. I want to fantasize again. Dream of how my life would be if I had turned left on those days that I turned right. Please do not misunderstand me. I like my life and who I am but the direction I have taken is not what I dreamed it would have been. My "Sailing" ship went astray on it's course and I long since forgot how to correct it. Let's face it..there aren't as many days ahead of me as they are behind me.

Have you ever wanted to change the course that you were traveling and go with the wind, in another direction? Forgetting everything as you now know it and just up and change course? Come on now. Be honest, at least with yourself. Have you ever looked at your life. Looked at the mistakes that you have made and the faults that we find ourselves full of and just say, "Hey, I am sick and tired of this and I want to change." Are we so completely happy with the chaos that we call normality enough to stay the way we are? Not me. Once again, I want to be Sailing.

Have you ever found a dream in your awaken state of mind? Ever realize that something you have dreamed of and longed for is now staring you in the face? I wonder if we would have what it took to take the chance and step out in the deep and simply sail away? I bet many of us wouldn't. I bet many of us would fall for it just long enough to realize that it was no more than a simple dream. Then what? What if we did step out in the deep and begin to sail away, I wonder if we would not instinctively begin to steer back onto the old course. Hungering for the old familiar ways and familiar surroundings, forever losing our only, perhaps, chance we will ever have to DREAM.

As I drove up the little hollow today, I longed for those days of old when life was much simpler. I realized that I had forgotten my dreams and promises I made to myself to be totally happy and have the very best life I could. Don't get me wrong, my life is good, but so many of my dreams and desires have long since been forgotten. Is it wrong for me to want them back, to begin dreaming again? Throw caution into the wind. Hoist sails, weigh anchor and head off into the horizon.

Perhaps I have grown tired of normality. Perhaps I have grown sick of never knowing what the other course would have revieled to me. Tired of never knowing what adventures lie in store for me around the bend. And what if I would be wrong? What if I make a choice and the dream I think I have found turns out to be an even worse mistake or worse choice than others I have made in life? Well, isn't that the way we learn? Orville and Wilbur would have never went to Kitty Hawk unless someone dreamed. Never took that first brief flight for mankind and aviation if they had been afraid to fail. And according to history, they did indeed fail many times before and a few times after. But look how far and fast we now can travel, simply because someone dreamed. Someone decided to sail away. So why not me?

Morbid maybe, but I want to be remembered when I pass. I want someone to look at me and say with-in their hearts, "My life was so much better when he was in it." I would love to know that I made a difference to someone. Filled the most special places in their hearts. Or to hear them say," I don't know what my life will be now that he is gone." Know that I brought happiness and joy to someone. Sadly, we never know this before we pass and certain to not be aware of it once we leave. I guess I just want to be important to someone. Don't we all?

"Well it's not far back to sanity, at least it's not for me. And if the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity. Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see. Then you'll believe me. Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be. Just a dream and wind to carry me....and soon I will be free."

But it's only the blog ramblings of a dreamer, right?