Inevitability, Mr. Anderson!

Do you remember the Matrix trilogies? Well I do! Being a huge sci fi fan that I am, I watched the movies. Have to admit, I have no freakin ideal what they were about or what the heck was going on!

I mean, correct me if I am wrong but, we humans are kept in pods, being fed by machines which syphon off our energy to fuel their world, while they made us dream that we were actually living normal lives? Was that it? Oh well!

It was ok, in a dope smoking, pill popping, needle underneath your fingernails kind of way but not sure if I would watch a fourth one. Bloody thing just didn't end right!

No takes on the Matrix. Nothing to parrallel my life or fictional life with the movie so, sorry, no mystery with this blog. One thing DID really sink in with me. It was the line that Agent Smith said to the hero in the first installment.

"It is inevitability, Mr. Anderson."

Inevitability, the incapability of being avoided or evaded. Regardless of what the situation or circumstance is, things will be as they have always been. No escape! Predestined? Perhaps, who knows?

For the past few weeks, I have done some serious soul searching, (if such a thing is possible). And it appears I have grown so tired of trying to outrun or avoid the nemesis called "Inevitability"!

I think I have have spent most of my life searching for and/ or longing for something that, well, just seems to be vacant in my life. I really do not know what the missing part is nor do I fully understand why I feel that there is something missing. All I know is, something just does not feel right! Inevitability?

I have changed directions over the years, looking for those things that I feel are missing. Admiring those who seem to already be there and wondering what my life would be if I had ever found it. But never really finding it. So, I continue on my quest.

Perhaps, the small part of the Keepers brain, the part that has since refused to grow up, still longs for something. Of course I know it does.But I have yet to fully understand what exactly it is that I feel is missing in my life. Inevitability?

But I do know I have spent my whole life looking and searching for the things that I honestly do not know what I am looking for. So after all this time, still feeling the void, I have decided to stop the search. Stop looking for the thing that I feel I am missing and not knowing what it is that I am looking for. Maybe some type of bi-polar medicine!

I have really looked at the things in my life and decided that I have grown tired of this quest. Realizing that, the inevitability of my life will not allow me to accomplish the quest and finally take ownership of the prize I have longed for.

Realizing that, the things in life that I have really wanted, I can not have! And the things in my life that I can have, are really not worth taking! Inevitability!

So, in retrospect, I have wasted so much time and mental energy, beating myself to death, looking for this illusive "whatever" but never even knowing if I have even came close to finding it!

One of my favorite sci fi shows is Doctor Who! Maybe I should just incorporate the character of the Doctor. Time to regenerate, forget the past, move on and stop wondering about things I can never have nor change. Yes, time to change! Time to move on and lay down this charge of completing my quest!

"One day, I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no tears, no regrets, no anxieties. Just go forward with your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine!"........William Hartnel, first Doctor incarnation.

Maybe, one reason I like the show so much is, I relate to the character. Maybe, just maybe, the reason I have felt this is simple. I am a unique person! One of a kind! The last of my species! Never feeling like I belong or that I am important to anyone. Never feeling that I an accepted. Always alone regardless of who I am with. Weird, but I have never felt like I belong! Holding the very core of who I am with utmost secrecy, never allowing anyone inside. Never trusting anyone to experience the real person that I am. Wanting so badly to share the essence of The Keeper with someone, but never trusting, fear of being rejected. Inevitability!

So, the time has come, to embrace inevitability. Instead of running from it, just stop and allow it to take control. End this quest! Once and for all, find something else to fill the void that I felt has always been there from the beginning. Take things as they are and stop trying to find the alternate reality of the things around me.

I am unique, one of a kind! Shame no one wants to see who or what I really am. Even more so, shame they have never cared! Inevitability!

So, now, I see the Keeper, standing in his warehouse. Arms outstretched, head leaning back upon his neck. Feeling the awesome power and fear of the thing which is about to take place! Feeling the surge and inevitable, regrettable choice he has made. Allowing this, inevitable thing to take place. Allowing the full power of regeneration to engulf him from his head to his feet. To regenerate into someone or something different. Changing his course one more time, never looking back wondering what if? Or maybe? Or, if I could have one more time, changed my course!

I understand the Doctor now! I understand why he chooses friends but never allows them inside him. I see why he travels alone, to stop the hurt and pain caused by his leaving. His longing, his desire to be more than he is. Never accepted for the things he has done in life, a very long life indeed. Choices he made that, not only affected him but those around him. Loved but never really believing that he is loved.

I feel the power and fear of what and who I am, the power of regeneration. Once more to hurt myself and others, but a change which is needful and required!

No more being the hunter and chaser of that which I have no ideal of what I search for. No more, allowing myself to be put out there to be rejected. I need to regenerate and change. I feel the power of it, know that deep with-in, I truly want it, then maybe I can rest!

After all........."It is inevitability, Mr. Anderson. Inevitability!

Best of the Best

When your down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.

Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know where ever I am
I'll come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.

Winter, spring , summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a freind.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow

Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.

You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
I'll come running to see you again.

Winter, Spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, ain't it good to know that you've got a friend?
People can be so cold.
They'll hurt you and desert you.
Well they'll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but don't you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
I'll come running to see you again.
Oh babe, don't you know that,
Winter Spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all you've got to do is call.
Lord, I'll be there, yes I will.
You've got a friend.
You've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
Ain't it good to know you've got a friend.
You've got a friend.

..............James Taylor.

MIrror, Mirror...

An old episode of the original Star Trek series entitled Mirror, Mirror..showed the crew in an alternate universe. One side being good and the other side being mean and bad!

No this is not another blog about the Keepers view of another episode of Star Trek nor any other science fiction show. I think this blog will be a little about the ole Warehouse Keeper himself!

Possibly regret what I am about to post here but what the hell!! No one but myself actually reads these so I am my only worry! Right? Oh I am sure we will see!

As I scan back down the long list of junkage I have written on this blog site, I am somewhat amazed at what I have read. I wonder at times if I have used certain views of movies or random thoughts to reflect the true essence of who and/or what I, the Keeper, truly am!

Amazed me, as I read, that I relate to so much of what was posted. I think my niece even commented on one old blog posting that she wondered what I was thinking.

Perhaps this blog thing is a good way of venting ones emotions, (although I have never been accused of actually ever having any). But if we can express who we are in forms that can not come back to bite us in the butt one day, whats the harm?

I can relate to much of my blogging! Why? Because these words came from me and no one else!

Now,,here we go with the curve ball!

Movies that I have commented on! We do not know what writers had in mind when they write until we read what was written! Right? Follow me so far? Good?

So how do I know that, what I have commented on is not exactly what the writer of the movie actually had in mind when he or she wrote it? We don't! But, as with all movies in general, we can relate to characters and situations in the movie. See where they are and where they are coming from. Know where they been and possibly how it is going to end up.

But in truth, I see difference in things that not many see. I see myself in a way that no one else wants to see me in. I know the core of the Keeper and what lies buried inside his Warehouse. Things that may never come to surface or be placed on display as his Egyptian collectibles. It is my warehouse filled with dreams, desires, passions and fantasies that no one will ever know of. As I can relate to many of the blogs I have written, they may or may not be a reflection of who I am or what is inside!

Mirror, mirror,,a reflection of two identically same objects placed side by side, but both being so different! We allow ourselves to be ourselves with-in ourselves but never to the outside world!
As Val Kilmer said in Batman, "We all wear a mask!" and indeed we each do. Showing to others what we feel safe in revealing but holding back the things we fear will re-surface in the future to haunt or torment us. Here-in lies the beauty of the blog.

As my photo above represents, the beginning title of the old TV show, "The Incredible Hulk" depicts two individuals, David Banner and his alter ego, the Hulk. Two complete individuals but the same person. The one always trying to hide the other for fear of what people may say or think about this monster that he becomes when angered!

Now I am not saying that I turn green when pee'd but I do get angry as anyone else does. Perhaps my blogging is a way to express what I really feel inside. Perhaps it is a unique way for me to vent my heart and emotions, fears, desires and such in a way that no one really knows it is me. Perhaps I am the Hulk or Darth Vader..! Then again, perhaps it is just the really warped imagination of someone who likes to write about some of the most off the wall crap he can possibly muster out!

Mirror, mirror on the wall, are my blogs my own reflection after all?

Doubtfully possible! But I enjoy it when I feel the passion to write. Enjoy, if I do, sharing or rather showing a little about who I really am from time to time in words that need to be deciphered! Perhaps I love the way I can write things in blog form, which may or many not be a reflection of who I am inside. Perhaps I do this because no one really takes the time to care about who the Keeper is inside. The core of his being. As a good friend of mine points out from time to time,,"People see the outside, and immediately see what they want. And their fantasy is secure. But never wanting to see the inside, the part of the person that truly matters and truly reflects who they actually are!"

Here-in lies the words of the Warehouse Keeper! Random words and thoughts of some weird guy in some obscured part of the world posted to amuse two or three people or reflections of who he is? You decide! But keep your decisions to yourself after all, you may be wrong in your assumption of the ole Keeper! So far, everyone else has.

But then again, this new posting may just be another of the Keepers random attempts to keep his blog readers at arms length, allowing to think he is writing about himself but actually not! Is he Darth Vader inside? Does he feel like the Hulk lurks at his core, himself fighting to hold the monster inside for fear of being seen? We, my blog friends, may never truly know! And this blog may be removed!!

Mirror, mirror!!! Two identical images but two completely different individuals! Two mask that are worn each for different occasions! Self protection? Possible!

Mirror, mirror.....

A Disturbance...

For the few who read the ramblings of the Warehouse Keeper, which by the way is coming along well and should be finished with-in the next few weeks, you realize how he enjoys looking deep into old movies. Looking for hidden meanings with his ability to unravel the whole movie, swearing the writers of the movie really had another plot in mind when they wrote it. There are no hidden meanings in the ramblings of the Keeper, just life and or movies the way he see's it.

In 1977 Star Wars or later retitled Episode IV a New Hope, premiered. Awesome special effects and storyline. Great characters who blew our mind away and one's we would love to have been in real life. One of the characters, the villain, Darth Vader, became the stuff of numerous children nightmares!

The evil black leather or plastic look, his, "I don't give a crap you gonna die" attitude and that deep, asthmatic breathing,,knew this dude was coming around the corner long before he even got there! Topped with that ominous voice of James Earl Jones, you knew you didn't want to fornicate with the Dark Lord of the Sith!!

All we knew in the first 3 installments of Star Wars was, Vader was bad, the rebellion was eventually going to win and all would be peaceful and wonderful in the cosmos! Little did we know that Vader was actually Anaken Skywalker, father of Luke and Leah, twin brother and sister, who kissed in the first movie and didn't feel funky about it!

Pure and simple,,Darth Vader/ Anakin Skywalker was evil to the freakin core!! He didn't care about anything or anyone and really wouldn't stop at anything as long as it benefited the Empire and his dark master, The Emperor! Dude would have choked you as to breathe on you! Stomp you in the ground and blow up your planet and be home in time for corn flakes! Everyone hated him for his evilness! He had his own agenda and his own way to handle things. If you didn't jive with him,,you suffered surgery, deadly surgery with a light saber!!

Then thirty years later they came out with Star Wars, The Phantom Menace, followed by two more. I thought it was stupid to show me three movies, which started in the middle of the book leading to the end, then thirty years later, back up and tell me how it all started. I didn't care really, I already knew Vader dies, the rebellion lives and all the hero's survive!!

But the Phantom Menace began telling a different story. It told the humble beginnings of poor ole Darth Vader. A sweet little kid born into slavery, hoping and wishing for a better way of life for himself and his mother. He loved his mom as most kids do,,even future Dark Lords, he loved momma!

As he was traded off, yep traded off to a bunch of Jedi Knights, he became friends with Queen Amidalia, cute chick and the surprise of getting the hots for her when he grew up, amazed even me!

Long story short here, cause I can go on and on longer than the energizer bunny, Anakin grew into a powerful Jedi, fell in love with Amidalia, experienced the death of his mom by the hands of the Sand People, which he flew off the handle and slaughtered! Thus beginning his journey to the dark side!

He loved Amidalia with all his heart, with the fiercest passion possible! Worrying about losing her one day as he did his mother. Worried that she would die with dreams and premonitions he had for-telling impending doom. Anakin searched for ways to protect her, he, of course, did not want to lose her and the only love he had in his life. Feeling betrayed by the Jedi order, he was tempted by the dark side with promises of gaining power which would enable him to do what he wanted and protect whom he wanted form any type of future doom.

Last of the three new movies shows Anakin turning himself to the dark side because he felt alone, alienated and so driven to protect the one he loved. This also turned him against his friends leading up to one massive fight between himself and Obi-Wan Kenobi on some type of fire planet. Obi-wan cutting his legs off and leaving him burned, almost to death. Anakin was saved by the Emperor and encased in this robotic iron lung now familiar with the character of Darth Vader.

It all made sense now! Perfect sense! Star Wars was an intergalactic story of the ultimate dysfunctional family!!

I understood now why Vader was the mad, angry hate filled man that he was. He had witnessed the death of the only women he ever loved. His mother and told later by the Emperor that, he himself, had killed his beloved wife! This drove him into a frenzy which would be used in his journey through the dark side, governing the empire with an iron fist. Destroying everything and anyone who got in his way. He was the Dark Lord!!!

In A new Hope, when the mush older Obi-Wan came on board the Death Star, Vader sensed his presence, "There's a disturbance in the force..a presence I haven't felt since...!" He knew who it was and I honestly believe he knew his reign of galactic terror was nearing an end!

I believe he felt it, sensed it's end and mentally prepared for it. All those years of letting past regrets and remorse eat at him and control him was nearing its climax!

I believe also that we, if we listen, can feel that disturbance in our own force. I think we can pick up on things that linger in the life force and know that things are about to change.

It is such a shame that Anakin allowed his emotions to drive him over the edge. A shame that, he would give up his humanity just to have what his heart wanted or needed! Instead of seeing him as the ultimate villain, I now felt sorry for him, sympathy because he lost all he ever loved and gained nothing but the torment inside his mind which kept him alive and determined. Unsure what that determination was, but sure his hatred and regret drove him!

What did his soul feel after all he loved was taken from him? Why did he not return back to the side of good? No one knows and I am certain I can scarcely imagine why he stayed. Hmm, perhaps he stayed with the dark side because it helped him relive all his mistakes. The memories were his companions and his heart desired no new ones in his life. He wanted no new love nor did he choose to feel. Feel anything but the cancerous hate he had inside. Wanted nothing to do with any type of emotions which could lure another tragedy into his life!

I am sure he wanted to love again, but seen the monster which he had become. Knowing no one could ever love what he had allowed himself to be. The monster which haunted him all his life! This was his monster, and no one could ever release him from the regrets of his past life.

I think Vader knew,,the disturbance in the force was always there! He knew that one day, his past would finally catch up with him and all would be lost forever! Living to the very last, his only friend being the much more evil Emperor! The omnipotent presence which continued to drive him into the dark side, never giving him a second to stop and think about any possibility of good left inside of his soul.

I wonder if Darth Vader ever stopped long enough to look at the man he once was and see who he has become. I wonder if he ever fully regretted being in love so deeply that he was willing to surrender all he could have possibly been, just to hold onto it? I wonder, if he had, if it would have been worth it?

I feel a disturbance in the force..an end? Who knows! We are what others have made us but usually of our own choice! We have the right to either change or stay true to ourselves forbidding ourselves to change simply to win someone or something. This would only be a false victory and we would honestly have nothing worth holding onto! We shouldn't mold ourselves falsely in order to keep what really wasn't ours to begin with. If Anakin had resisted the desire to control those emotions and resisted his desire to protect what his heart hungered for, would he still be Anakin Skywalker? Perhaps!

My take on Star Wars? A seriously dysfunctional family! The love of a lonely boy turned powerful Jedi. A lover or passion, desire and the need to feel such from others as well. Wanting to fit in and feel like the man he always wanted to be. But never once realizing he was ok the way he was. He was loved and lost that love. He should have held onto that memory and cherish it instead of trying to control it. He lost!

I wonder, as he lay there maskless, his son Luke holding him near, his own mortality staring him in the face, if he thought back? I wonder if he thought, why did I screw up my life so much? Why did I hurt so many and be hated by so many more? Why did I not just settle for what I was given instead of trying to make the ignorant feelings and desires of a human heart manifest into reality? We may never know my blog reading friends!

Do you believe in the force? Believe that we can sense things that are going to happen before they happen? Can you dig where I am coming from? Are you a believer? Are you? If not, "you will be...you will be!"

Life's a Beach!!!

I took a trip back in July to the North Carolina coast. One that I honestly did not think I would have ever taken since I am not a huge fan of the sun, heat, humidity or sand in my shorts!!

Found that I honestly enjoyed this rather brief trip to the ocean. Now do not get me wrong, I love the ocean and the sound of the waves. Love watching the seagulls glide on the wind currents and looking out on the horizon wondering what lies at the other end.

I find peace and solitude in the sea. Maybe I share some deep relation with old sailors. Maybe, if I had been a sailor, I would have spent the first part of my 3 hour tour bent over the bow. Not enjoying the view of the dolphins as they swam in the wake of the boat. But throwing my guts up!!! Yea be my luck I would end up seasick as hell!!

But one thing that captured my attention was the tide. Like snowflakes, no two waves are the same. They are larger, smaller, more fiercer or less than the previous one. But they always continue, never stopping!

I think its like life, always continuing and always changing, no two days are ever the same. Each day brings with it things that are different than the previous day. As with a job, we may seem to be in a rut, same ole same ole every day the same routine, but in truth, each day is different!

One new thing I saw on this trip, as I took a walk down the pier, and for those of you who do not like me,,this walk wasn't a long one off a short pier! I happened to stop to look off the side and in the ocean I saw a school of stingrays. That was an awesome thing to see! I have never seen these creatures in their natural habitat.

As I enjoyed watching these animals, I soon watched them scatter as a 9 foot reef shark came swimming by!

As with life, there are those rare times that, we can enjoy a leisurely swim. Taking each day in stride and comfort until the enemy comes swimming by. It is then that we are aware of our own mortality and how the comfort zone we have erected around us can become "uncomfortable". But, just as with the stingrays, we regroup and resume our normality once the trouble or danger has passed by. Enjoying what life has to offer.

Recently, well maybe not that recently, I went back to work in the coal industry. Not a glamorous job by any means but one I never thought I would ever do again after eleven years of retirement from it due to an injury.

Once I started underground that first day, I noticed how the sights, sounds, smells and general familiarity of what the coal mine once was came flooding rapidly back to my mind.

I was once again in familiar waters, facing the dangers I had long since forgotten about. Knowing at any given moment, my life could be taken from me. But life is like a beach! Roll with the tide and ebb and flow of the current. I had made a change and needed to understand the change I made in my life. So far, so good!

I have heard the old expression, "Life's a Beach!" never fully understanding the meaning behind it. I suppose the beach can be used as a metaphor to describe life. As my rare trips to the coast has shown me. Most people head to the water to swim or lie in the sun. Most find the sights and shops a wonderful place to spend a vacation. Not me!! I see the ocean in a way that few see it. I look at this magnificent creation of God and wonder, allowing my mind to imagine, to drift away.

Life's a Beach, never knowing how it is formed, why it is the way it is or how it will be after so many storms. But always being a beach afterward. Regardless of how hard it get's or how hot it may seem. The beach will always be the beach. Perfect creation and full of many mysteries! To be cherished and enjoyed each and every day. Never knowing what the tide may wash in or take away. But always be enjoyed and loved.

"Life's a Beach"!!! Enjoy it, accept its storms and random heat waves that test and try us! Enjoy it and always look for the beauty that lies deep with-in its foaming edges. Although your life may get eroded and become uncertain, it still remains a beautiful experience! Cherish it, learn and grow!

"Life's A Beach"

Entrer le idiot...(Enter the Fool)...fictional writings

The Fool is the spirit in search of experience. He represents the mystical cleverness bereft of reason within us, the childlike ability to tune into the inner workings of the world. The sun shining behind him represents the divine nature of the Fool's wisdom and exuberance, holy madness or crazy wisdom. On his back are all the possessions he might need. In his hand there is a flower, showing his appreciation of beauty. He is frequently accompanied by a dog, sometimes seen as his animal desires, sometimes as the call of the "real world", nipping at his heels and distracting him. He is seemingly unconcerned that he is standing on a precipice, apparently about to step off.

Never by choice do we become fools, it is a sentence that fate and life in general hands down to those who seek things in life that can never be ours. Searching for all eternity for the missing link to our souls, we become fools.

The guardian of the Fool is the fool. He owns his heart and all else that he has, he carries with him at all times. He understands that, life will once again deal him the hand that he has played so many times before and he must fold and walk away. He sheds no tears for his ill-gotten folly, why should he? This time is no different than the thousands of times before and sadly, many more times to come.
Although he knows the obvious outcome of each and every endeavor, he heads off on that lonely road once again searching for the thing that has earned him the name, "Le Idiot, The Fool". A name he did not choose for himself but fate thrust it into his face.


The inner workings of the fool are sacred, secret and fortified with layers upon layers of his remaining emotions. Dare not to voice the way he feels for certain, it will be used to taunt him, to mock him to torture the thin remnants of his soul. Why? Why does he continue on his quest? Knowing that only despair awaits him and with this in mind, why does he not simply drop the costume he has worn for ages? He is the fool and this is what he must continue to do. As written by Alexander Pope..."Nay, fly to altars; there they'll talk you dead; For fools rush in where angels fear to tread." He, the only one, who dares to do what others fear.

The Fool has been depicted as always having his dog following after him on his journey, biting at his heels constantly. The dog is not his for he owns no such creature that would ever be able to show any type of love or compassion. This animal represents desire, passion and the life that others have that he can never own. Biting at his heels as a constant reminder of the pain his heart feels each moment of the fools life. Does he ever glance back into the past? Second guessing his past decisions, wondering if he would return to one of those times long past? A second chance would be given him, a second chance to discard his appearance as the fool and embrace the life he wanted all along? No! For that life can never be relived. He could never endure the past tortures again.

Does he dare to dream? Once he did, maybe twice but now no more. Sadly, only a fool hope's in dreams, all the while deep with-in his heart he knows that dreams are merely foolish hope's.

And then, when it seems that all has failed, something comes his way. And for a small time, he discards his worn costume for a new one. One that makes him take the appearance of those whom he has come to call "normal". For a time, a brief time, he is a "Man", feeling as men do, loving as men do, caring as men do. For a brief time the fool has become prideful and walks in shoes that his feet are not accustomed to. For a brief time the fool feels as others do and is allowed to share his feelings with others. For a brief time he is someone and someone who cares. This limited time allows him to feel things his soul has longed for but not use to. He feels as if he is part of something and prays this never ends.....For a brief time.

Then, one day, he learns that the "man" was only the fool in a different costume. For he never was important. He was nothing more than a brief court jester in someone else court. Amused as they were at how well the fool could act, laughing at each display of emotion that he allowed to surface. He was the court jester and filled their lives with such comedic representation of life. They were amused. But to the fool, he was not acting. He was playing the role he wanted from his heart. No acting was required, he allowed his emotions to pour forth, flow from the deepest fountain of his soul. He was "a man", at least in his own heart.

Slow to realize, he rejected the notion that he had just a limited engagement in a court he could never call his own. His yearning to just simply "belong" aches deep with-in his soul. The purpose in life that each of us have, he can never seem to find, other than the amusement and plaything of others. The few personal belongings he owns are once again packed into the little bundle and thrown carelessly on his back. Sadly, painfully he sets out on the road he has traveled his entire life. Once again in search for those things others call normal, knowing they can never be his. Once again, with the dog nipping at his heels, laughing at his foolishness, driving him further down that lonely road.

Perhaps, as he wonders along that path, he once again stands at the edge of another precipice. Once again looking down at the endless void and knowing in his heart what it represents. Perhaps for a moment, a moment, he knows the easy way to Camelot. One step, only one step and all would forever be behind him. No more to play the part of the fool. No more will laughter be heard. No more will his heart and spirit be destroyed just for the amusement of others. No more! Just this once he will be taken serious and this once maybe, just maybe will those who laughed regret the fools departure from their courts. Doubtfully.

But on the horizon he eye's a structure. It appears to be another kingdom. Could this be Camelot? Could this be the place his soul has searched for? Perhaps this will be the final leg of his journey and after all these years and all the roads he has traveled, he may finally find peace and a purpose. He knows what they will expect of him as he enters through the gates. He knows what he must do but also knows what will happen once they have grown tired of him. But once more he walks in with pride and dignity. Once more he hears his name called, loudly, touching the core of his heart. Filling his life with purpose and gladness that he is yet once again, needed, wanted. Yes it is the announcement of his name that sets all of this in motion. Just the mention of his name giving him the determination to try once more...."Madam et monsieur...Entrer le idiot, Ladies and gentlemen...Enter the Fool".

• It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us,.... Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870) in 'A Tale of Two Cities'

A Different Breed.............

On April 5, 2010 around 3:00 pm eastern standard time, an odd vibration swept through the mountains of West Virginia. But sadly, this was not an unfamiliar vibration. It may have registered on the Richter Scale, if a seismograph had been in use, but it wasn't an earthquake.
Again, these old mountains have felt many of these vibrations over the years and likely will experience many more to come.

Montcoal, Raleigh County West Virginia was the site of the most recent coal mine explosion killing, as of this posting, 24 West Virginia coal miners. Once again, fathers, sons, husbands, uncles or grandfathers, who sought to earn a living mining coal lost their lives to the mountains.

West Virginia, Raleigh County as well as others, are no stranger to the anguished cries of family members who have just heard their loved ones will not be coming home. Since the state of West Virginia began mining coal in the late 1870's, over 600,000 of her residents have lost their lives mining the mineral. These courageous men only add to that figure.



I am glued to the television when I hear of such an accident. Why? Because I am a miner, as was my father and my brother. We are all coal miners and this is one occupation that I think lies deep with-in ones DNA. It takes a rare different breed of person to go day after day, underground to mine coal, or any other mineral for that matter.

I spent nearly 23 years as a coal miner and many times I have started my day underground only to feel some sort of pressure on me, then wake up hours later in the hospital. I cheated death once again. I was glued to the television back when the Quecreek Mine flood happened, patiently waiting for news of the miners survivors. We are a rare breed, we are survivors, we cheat death daily and one more time we will cheat it and come out alive, ready to do it all over again. I was glued to the television when the Sago Mine disaster happened, but this time something in my gut told me, there would be no happy ending. Miners know. They always know.

I remember when I first began working underground as a "red hat" or trainee. An old miner took me aside and looked me straight in the eye and said, "Pay attention to mother mountain, she'll talk to you and ya best be listen'n." I thought the old man was on drugs, but day after day, year after year, I began to understand what he meant. Those old mountains WILL speak to you, you just have to learn their language. They will let you know when it's safe to work. They will also let you know when you best be running in the opposite direction. And there are a few mountains who love to just keep silent. Those are the ones that will take your life in an instant!

Far too many times to recall, I have personally cheated death. I remember stupid section boss who told us to mine far to close to an active natural gas well. Knowing that one false move with a mining machine would cut the well casing, releasing the gas, one spark and it's all over for good. Many times we would mine near an older, abandoned mine that was full of water, in an instant we all could have drown. But we cheated death one more time. Horrible mining conditions, again, far too numerous to count, remembering times I had tears in my eyes wanting to quit and walk out, fearing for my life. But I had bills to pay and a family to support. Again, I cheated death.



The job I currently have, no mining involved now, takes me all over the state. I know the Montcoal, Whitesville areas and was very familiar with the Upper Big Branch mine or rather it's location. I even took photos of the over road conveyor belt that leads into the mine for my Legacy books, when it was first installed. I never knew I would ever see fire department and rescue workers sitting underneath it one day.

Today, April 7th, my job took me to Whitesville. As I neared the Montcoal area, it appeared that every place you looked, one could find signs reflecting the disaster. "Pray for our miners and their families." Sad, very sad. Huge electronic road signs flashing, "Emergency Ahead, local traffic only", were situated all up and down the road to Whitesville.

As I neared the preparation plant that cleaned the coal mined by Upper Big Branch Mine, the roadsides began to be cluttered with numerous vehicles. License plates on cars from as far away as Canada and as far east as Iowa. Camera crews from every major network sat patiently by the roadside awaiting news of the remaining 4 coal miners that have yet to be rescued or recovered form the mine.

Below the preparation plant sits Marshfork Middle School, surrounded by news vans, satelite trucks and hundreds of automobiles. The football field became the landing pad for three helicopters, I have no ideal who they were. Marshfork Middle School was the gathering place for the media. I understand that the world needs to know, as do I, but also understand the need to keep family members of the victims out of the media spotlight.

I slowly drove through the area, taking a glance up in the hollow where the mine was located, fully understanding what had happened. I felt a lump in my throat and a tear well up in my eye. Why? Because I am a coal miner. It's in my DNA, my blood. I share their pain, never fully knowing how they feel and praying I never do, but understanding what has taken place. I am a coal miner, and my brothers have perished, as many more before them have.


During the Sago Mine disaster, I remember one news reporter asking one family member a question. Now I understand, if you aren't familiar with coal mining, questions such as this, I assume, fill your mind. But he ask, concerning the explosion, "Is this (the explosion) something that is always on your minds? Do you always worry about this happening?" The family member answered, "No!" Coal miners never worry about such things. We know that such things can and do happen, but it is not a continuous worry. Certain mining conditions, such as bad roof conditions, keep us on our toes and lets us know that an accident can happen. Many people die daily in car accidents. And I ask, do you set off the the mall or Wal-Mart or even to work worrying that, today you are going to die in a car crash? No. But you know in your mind that people do get killed in car accidents and it is a possibility. The same with coal miners. We know it happens, roof collapse, rib rolls, machine related deaths and even mine gas explosions. It happens and we know it, but to us it is a part of life.

Why do we do it? Why do you get up every morning and head to work? Whether a professional in an office building or law enforcement officer or even head to work in fast food. To earn a living and often times, miners have no other choice but to work underground. Possibly a family heritage, yea its in our DNA I suppose.

Soon the remainder of the miners will either be rescued or recovered. The last victim will be buried and the investigation into what caused the explosion will reviel what actually happened. Then the roadway in Montcoal will show no signs of the news media or worried family and friends waiting for news. The company will go back into coal production and all will be forgotten by the world. All but those of us who live here, those of us who mine coal for a living. All of those who were directly affected by the death of a loved one, they will never forget.

We are coal miners and this is what we do. Many more will journey underneath these mountains to earn a living. Yes we are careful and yes we pray that, at shifts end, we can once again head towards home, safe and secure. I pray this never happens again but, because I am a miner, I know that it is always a strong possibility that it will.

For you see, these old West Virginia mountains are accustomed to hearing the cries of wives and children. They are use to men tunneling into them to mine their precious coal. Use to such explosions and so are the people who live and work inside them. We are coal miners and we know.

My heart and prayers go out to all of them. To all who have risk their lives in an unstable mine to rescue or recover those men. To bring some type of hope to their families.

With each blog I post, I have tried to find some type of background music to accompany the blog, to add emotional feeling as you read it. But this blog needs no such music. Words speak on their own. I ask, please feel free to pass this one blog posting around so that others can share this and remember those who have perished in the Upper Big Branch Mine. Help me to keep the memory of these brave men alive for as long as we can. Say a prayer, light a candle. They are just like each of you, all they wanted was a decent way of life full of hopes and dreams for their families. Let's keep their memory alive long after the news media has left Raleigh County. We are coal miners, and we will endure! We are akin to these old West Virginia mountains, as much a part of them as they are us. We are coal miners and coal mining families...A rare and Different Breed of people.

Sailing

Christopher Cross once had a fantastic song out entitled "Sailing". The premise of the song was simple...dreaming.

We all dream each time we lay our heads down at night and I am no different. Sadly, we all dream during the day when we are rather fully awake and I am no different. I mean sadly because some of us do it while driving. And I am no different.

What we dream of depends upon our state of mind when we lie down. I think that our brains are like computers. Rather sophisticated computers that no one can copy to this day. Forget Artificial Intelligence this ole thing is far superior to anything man will ever be able to create. Once our eyes close and we enter sleep, we must download all information we gathered that day and process it. We do it when we sleep simply because the brain must not be preoccupied with daily going- ons when it does this. Ever open way to many windows up on an old version of Windows? Yep same thing, but we don't have System Restore to save us if it messes up.

Today I ventured back up the little hollow where I grew up. December being the last time I had visited that part of the country. Today was the first time I had seen my parents old place since it was torn down. Odd, very odd! I continued on up to my next customer to perform my job and each and every place I came to brought back so many fond memories. Memories of playing as a child and familiar areas where much happiness was found.

Christopher Cross said that, "It's not far to Never Neverland, no reason to pretend and if the wind is right you can find the joy of innocence again." I heard that song today on the radio and ventured down to innocence once again. Is there such a place? Age that I am, I find that, my dreams really do not seem to matter anymore.

"Fantasy, it get's the best of me, when I'm sailing..." Fantasy and dreaming are so close kindred that it gets sort of scary at times. Again, like dreams, my fantasies are few these days as well. Like Peter Pan in the movie "Hook", I grew up and stopped believing.

As I look back on my life, I can't seem to find very much that I am proud of. Not many, well if any, memorable things I have done. No differences I have ever made. So many choices I have made over these past 40 some odd years that I wish I could change most of them. Yes I know that our mistakes shape us and mold us to become better and stronger, if not wiser people and I partly believe that.

I have now gotten to the point in my aged life that, I want to dream again. I want to fantasize again. Dream of how my life would be if I had turned left on those days that I turned right. Please do not misunderstand me. I like my life and who I am but the direction I have taken is not what I dreamed it would have been. My "Sailing" ship went astray on it's course and I long since forgot how to correct it. Let's face it..there aren't as many days ahead of me as they are behind me.

Have you ever wanted to change the course that you were traveling and go with the wind, in another direction? Forgetting everything as you now know it and just up and change course? Come on now. Be honest, at least with yourself. Have you ever looked at your life. Looked at the mistakes that you have made and the faults that we find ourselves full of and just say, "Hey, I am sick and tired of this and I want to change." Are we so completely happy with the chaos that we call normality enough to stay the way we are? Not me. Once again, I want to be Sailing.

Have you ever found a dream in your awaken state of mind? Ever realize that something you have dreamed of and longed for is now staring you in the face? I wonder if we would have what it took to take the chance and step out in the deep and simply sail away? I bet many of us wouldn't. I bet many of us would fall for it just long enough to realize that it was no more than a simple dream. Then what? What if we did step out in the deep and begin to sail away, I wonder if we would not instinctively begin to steer back onto the old course. Hungering for the old familiar ways and familiar surroundings, forever losing our only, perhaps, chance we will ever have to DREAM.

As I drove up the little hollow today, I longed for those days of old when life was much simpler. I realized that I had forgotten my dreams and promises I made to myself to be totally happy and have the very best life I could. Don't get me wrong, my life is good, but so many of my dreams and desires have long since been forgotten. Is it wrong for me to want them back, to begin dreaming again? Throw caution into the wind. Hoist sails, weigh anchor and head off into the horizon.

Perhaps I have grown tired of normality. Perhaps I have grown sick of never knowing what the other course would have revieled to me. Tired of never knowing what adventures lie in store for me around the bend. And what if I would be wrong? What if I make a choice and the dream I think I have found turns out to be an even worse mistake or worse choice than others I have made in life? Well, isn't that the way we learn? Orville and Wilbur would have never went to Kitty Hawk unless someone dreamed. Never took that first brief flight for mankind and aviation if they had been afraid to fail. And according to history, they did indeed fail many times before and a few times after. But look how far and fast we now can travel, simply because someone dreamed. Someone decided to sail away. So why not me?

Morbid maybe, but I want to be remembered when I pass. I want someone to look at me and say with-in their hearts, "My life was so much better when he was in it." I would love to know that I made a difference to someone. Filled the most special places in their hearts. Or to hear them say," I don't know what my life will be now that he is gone." Know that I brought happiness and joy to someone. Sadly, we never know this before we pass and certain to not be aware of it once we leave. I guess I just want to be important to someone. Don't we all?

"Well it's not far back to sanity, at least it's not for me. And if the wind is right you can sail away and find serenity. Oh the canvas can do miracles, just you wait and see. Then you'll believe me. Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be. Just a dream and wind to carry me....and soon I will be free."

But it's only the blog ramblings of a dreamer, right?

Guess It's just No Good.....

"Once more unto the breach dear friends", a very familiar saying by ole Bill Shakespeare from his play "Henry V, act III scene I. Or was it by the Klingon General Chang from Star Trek VI, The Undiscovered Country? Anywho, once again like clock work, a trip was made down to the Big Easy last week. No I am not talking about heading over in McDowell County to see Big Rhonda who apparently runs an end of the month special on,uh moral boosters. New Orleans, Louisiana yea, from Katrina fame and now home of the Super Bowl Champs, the New Orleans Saints.

Once more I took the 13 hour drive one way, yes I said one way just to catch beads thrown from floats. Special beads? Beads with a resale value on e-Bay? Beads made from Gold? Nope, nope and ut-uh, just regular plastic beaded necklaces. Why may you ask, go ahead and ask, did I do all of this for stuff I can order wholesale from the internet and save a ton of money and mileage on my truck? I haven't the foggiest frackin ideal. It's just no good!




Now, I am rather certain that, for the three days I was exhausted and worn out, floats being just a vague blur now, I gather, captured or collected nearly two and a half garbage bags full of the stuff. Yea I know, lot of stuff to haul another 13 hours and 800 miles back through snow covered country just to pile up some place here. It's just no good!

The other night I decided to take every bead I had collected over the last four years. Pile them all into a heap including my Mardi Gras mask and the real specialty beads I actually caught. Put on my latest jester hat that I purchased in Metarie and have one of those "real stupid moments" type picture taken for the blog. God I am worse than my blog Queen sister.

In other blog postings I have made, for those 3 individuals who actually read my ramblings, I told about an HO train layout I have in my Warehouse 13 room. (Another sci-fi show plug). It is a room in my house that I captured, planted my flag and shouted, "For King and Country and my own sanity", then filled it full of crap. It's just no good!

I am not a complicated person. I, like many others, just started collecting things I have always wanted but never could afford. Now the kids are grown and gone, I started e-Baying. I am a certified Sci-Fi nut and totally fascinated with Egyptian art and culture, ancient Egyptian that is. Photo below only a portion.



Now why have I collected so much? I honestly do not know. Now beaded necklaces were usually given away to friends and family. Yea like I am gonna miss a few from three garbage bags. But for some reason, the beads I have collected have remained mine. Unknown is the reason why I haven't given away any, well wait, I have given away a few of the buggers, but not much. A couple to Adam and a few to a niece or nephew, heck I even gave some to a few neighborhood kids once or twice,,It's just no good!

Now after my first return from Mardi Gras, I was reluctant to give away any of my plastic treasures. Understanding, there weren't that many that I caught that first year or even picked up off the ground. My reasoning was simple. My first Mardi Gras and I was certain I would never have the chance to return to New Orleans again. So I would want to keep my souvenirs to show off in my aging years,,"Yep, I went to Mardi Gras back before teleportation". It's just no good!

Now, my trains. Yea I got a room filled with them. I enjoy them and the hobby itself. But I started with just one small area in Warehouse 13 and "BLAMO" it exploded into addition after addition. Purchase after purchase, dollar after dollar the layout grew and grew. As with my Egyptian collection,,hmm did I mention that one? Oh, yea I did. It's just no good!

Now, chapter 3. Star Trek. I know, not everyone likes the show, but I grew up on it. I mean the old ones. Before Geritol was administered by Star Fleet Command after every transporter trip. Before every alien you met had a massive screw up with their face. I enjoy the show and the plots and such. Over the years I had collected the U.S.S. Enterprise models and the U.S.S. Reliant. Not just a glue together model, but I try to place lights inside of them and have them ready for display.

Shortly after the release of the new Star Trek movie, I pulled my box full of relics from the attic and attempted to re-glue them. Now take into consideration that these models, the oldest being purchased sometime in the late or mid 70's. These ships are antiquated and not really able to stick together even with Gorilla Glue. I managed to put the Reliant back together and place some detail paint on the model. It worked good, then I posted my previous blog entry entitled,"There she is.." It's just no good!

After I placed all of my Mardi Gras crappage in the floor for the "really totally stupid" picture, I had an epiphany, or either a temporary aneurysm. "My God Jim!!!, what have I become?" We recently got our parents packed up and moved into a newer home. Over 45 years of collecting by both mom and dad and moved, stored or thrown away massive collections of stuffage. Have I become my parents, or my mother? Have I walked this earth picking up everything that caught my fancy and found some nook or cranny to throw it in to forget it? It's just no good!

Insult to injury. I recently made two e-Bay purchases. Two new models. Enterprise and Reliant. My reasoning? I would take however long a time I need to patiently put them together and place led lights in them. Find a place in Warehouse 13 to display them. (Yea right, as if there was anywhere in that room for a church mouse) I would then, take a nerve pill, pray and gather up the courage to take all of my old busted models and trash them. (as if that would actually happen) Now I have no way of truly explaining how angry I got at myself for buying those bloody models. Too late after I done already paid for them..arggggg!!!!!! It's just no good!





What am I going to do with all this crap I have collected? Why do I continue to purchase and or collect this junk? So many times I have thought of taking it down, boxing it up and selling it. Now my train collection I am certain I can make my money back on e-Bay selling it to others who suffer from the same mental disease that I do. My Star Trek models and stuff,ah maybe not so good at getting rid of them as the others. My Egyptian collection can also be sold there and I know I can make my money back as well because, well have you ever looked at the stuff on e-Bay? It's expensive. So I can make a hefty profit. Hmm, perhaps,,oh well, it's just no good!

Sadly, one revelation occurred to me after I took all the Mardi Gras beads and placed them back in their boxes and bags and took them to the porch. One day I will take them on out to my shop for storage and never be opened again. The revelation was a simple one. Who would get all of this crap when they place me in the Final Frontier? I know it sounds morbid, but it's part of life and I am ok with the fact that one day I will croak. Already got affidavits from four people who promised to cry for me,(I had to provide the pepper spray though,lol). But what will become of my junk?

A man is the sum of all his memories, myself even more so. When we lose our memory, the essence of who we are and what we have become is no more. So perhaps a collection is also part of our essence. When we get rid of or remove our junk we have collected, have we, in part, lost some of our essence? Now there are some boundaries to how much a person should collect, I agree. No one wants a truck load of Mardi Gras beads. I am certain my sons will not want them. Neither are they interested in my Star Trek collection since neither of them like the show,
( must be their mothers DNA). And likewise for my Egyptian collection. I surely do not want it buried with me. Like what, gonna roll over and play with it? It's just no good!

Now my Mardi Gras things are a reminder of my trips to New Orleans. My Egyptian collection is a reminder of a once great and ingenious culture who's architecture, art and way of life can scarcely be duplicated to this day. My models, well they are just models. My trains, remind me of times gone by, the engineering marvel of metal wheel against metal rail moving massive amounts of goods down the track. So, if I lose my memory of these things, I doubt that seeing this collection will bring those thoughts back. So to keep all of this is, well, uh,,just no good.

One day, I will leave this place. What will become of the representation of ole Rob? Given away or sold in a yard sale for beach money? Maybe. So maybe I will just package it myself while I am still kicking, that way, I get to spend the profit,,lol. Least I will begin by being generous with my Mardi Gras collection. God knows it will just spend the remainder of it's excessive long life in my shop building, collecting dust and never being looked at. Hmm, as a matter of fact, everything in my extended collection is gathering dust and no one gets to admire it or appreciate it or the one who collected it..........IT"S JUST NO GOOD!!!!!

"There she is..."

In 1982 Trek fans were once again treated to another dose of their favorite sci-fi show, Star Trek II,The Wrath of Kahn. And like every other fan of the show, I had to "boldly go" to the theater to see how this one would fair. End result, I loved it. Where else could one see a spectacular battle between two federation starships.

The jist of the plot was simple. Captain Terrell and First Officer Pavel Chekov of the U.S.S. Reliant accidentally come across the exiled heretic Khan Noonien Singh. Khan, was exiled on Ceti Alpha V by Captain Kirk in the TV episode "Space Seed" and was soon forgotten. Now, of course, there was a legitimate reason why Kirk exiled Khan and his followers on this barren rock. He did, after all, attempt to take over the Enterprise. But ole Cap'n Kirk put a stop to his ill gotten plans. Surprised? Of course not.

But Terrell and Chekov must have gotten their space coordinates from Yahoo Maps, cause they didn't beam down to an uninhabited Ceti Alpha VI, seeing hows it blew up a couple years back. They just happened to park right above Ceti Alpha V. Guess who they all ran into, yeppers, ole demented Khan and the remnants of the S.S. Botany Bay.

Now you would reckon after a shows cancellation and many, many years of raising a group of genetically created mutant people, ole Khan would have learned to forgive and forget. Oh no!!! None the least. He still carried a grudge against Kirk. He was still as pee'd as he was back in 1967 or rather 2367, and more so after he learned that Kirk was now an Admiral. "Admiral Kirk?...Admiral?" Khan, by the way, was played both times by the most excellent actor, Richardo Montalban. Possibly one of his best performances in my opinion. I sure would have hated to have been the one who pee'd him off.

So, long story short, Khan puts weird looking worm/scorpion thingys in Terrell and Checkov's ears. This had the ability of, "making the victim susceptible to..uh..suggestion." He then had his homeys transported to the Reliant and the Reliant's crew were marooned on Ceti Alpha V. He than found out the true reason that the crew of the Reliant even wanted to visit Ceti Alpha V. They were looking for a suitable place to test the Genesis Device. A device for making dead planets into live ones but also could be used as a horrible doomsday weapon.




Hmmm, now we got us a ship and a reason. We need us a doomsday bomb and a way to scare the crap out of everyone. We gotz to get all our ducks sitting pretty in the same pond. Gotz our plan right and tidey, been brewing for eons and eons. Then we need to go make Captain Kirk pay for what he did. Sooooo, we're offff.

The Starship Reliant, a Miranda class research vessel, may not be as big or as glamorous as the Constitution Class starship, Enterprise, but she still has her beauty and elegance. Seriously fine lines and curves. Yep, for a starship, she is rather hot. And about to get hotter.

Khan is still pee'd, as I said earlier, at Kirk for what he did. Now one other thing he is still mad at Kirk for is his wife, who once was a crewman onboard the Enterprise, died early into their exile on the planet. Which he has always blamed Kirk for. Now being the typical male that Khan is, and a typical male who was so totally enamored of his wife, vengeance must be taken.

Ya'll Tired of all this yet? Hope not, there's more and a moral as well.


Khan intercepts the Enterprise and her crew somewhere in space. Not using the same Yahoo maps system that Terrell and Chekov did, he actually found the Enterprise and not the crew from Lost in Space. "This is peculiar." Said Kirk about the approach of the Reliant and her inability to make radio contact with another sister starship. "Of course, we are one big happy fleet." Khan said with a grin, knowing he was gonna surprise Jimmy and blow a whole in his ship. Thus totally messing up Jimmy's day, and everyone else on the Enterprise.


Meanwhile back on the bridge of the U.S.S. Reliant, Khan's slackey, Joachim takes a brief moment to try to get Khan to forget about the past and lets just get the frail out of Dodge.
"We're all with you, sir. But, consider this. We are free. We have a ship, and the means to go where we will. We have escaped permanent exile on Ceti Alpha V. You have defeated the plans of Admiral Kirk. You do not need to defeat him again."
This didn't sit well in Khan's belly. "He task me, he task me and I shall have him. I shall chase him round the moons of Nibia and round the Antarries Maelstrom and round Perdition's Flames before I give him up!" Sounds rather determined if ya ask me.

Again, long story short (appears I haven't shortened anything actually, good thing blogspot doesn't have commercials). Khan surprises Kirk and really shoots up the Enterprise. Ouch, bunch of folks get killed, sucked into space, burnt really really bad, knocked on the head, slapped on their rumps and such. Kirk surprises Khan while he gets him monologing using the Enterprise to drop the Reliants shields then,,blamo, blamo, now it's the crew of the Reliant who gets burned, beaten and sucked into space.




Both ships hobbled off to lick their wounds and make what repairs that they could. Khan tricked Kirk into going down to the planetoid Regula I and marooned him, thinking the enterprise had limped off to Starfleet Command. Kirk had another plan in mind and later on, the Enterprise picked em all up and off towards the Mutara Nebula they all went. Khan fussing all the way. Feeling cheated of his prey that he has hoped for for so long.

The reason behind heading to the nebula was simple, both ships would be crippled with their sensors and shields, mono e mono. Round and round they went, in and out of the nebula,,fuzzy view screens made it hard to find one another. Kirk would shoot at Khan and Khan would shoot at Kirk, both starships getting the crap blown out of them and making things worse as they went.



Eventually Kirk figured Khan out and sneaked in behind him, locking phasers and photon torpedoes on the Reliant and blamo!! The Reliant starts losing body parts. Eventually Khan decides to get the last lick in. Knowing that the Enterprise can't move real fast from her wounds, he activates the Genesis Device with intents to blow, both the Reliant and Enterprise into smithereens. End result, Khan and the Reliant get blown up. Spock dies, but comes back in the next movie and the Enterprise gets warp drive and escapes in the nick of time as usual.

The moral? Hmm, lets see. It appears that a fine, beautiful ship and many lives were lost simply to revenge a woman. Khan lost all that he had simply to seek revenge on Captain Kirk for the loss of Marla, his beloved wife. He had the doomsday weapon and a starship and could have went anywhere in the galaxy that he wished to go. Live on any planet that he wanted to live on and basically have any other woman he wanted. But he choose sacrifice. He sacrificed all that he had for the love of a woman. Poor waste of a perfectly good starship I suppose, but each to their own.

I guess that a person could look at this any way that they wanted to. I suppose that people or the love of a person is well worth sacrificing the thing that is sacrificed. Possibly not the life of another or the destruction of someone elses property but there are times and certain people, that a sacrifice is acceptable.

Did Khan come out in the end smiling? His lady's honor restored or better yet her life restored? No, he lost all, but felt that all was worth gambling. We each gamble and sacrifice daily. Gambling on our future, our love and our lives.(Ever see me drive?) I think, regardless of what people say or think, there are many times, the end does justify the means. Sometimes the sacrifice and the gamble is well worth taking and unlike Khan and the Reliant, things do turn out rosey and fine. Sometimes we gamble and loose. But many times, the risk is well worth taking if you feel certain that the outcome will be what you have dreamed it would be. My outlook on this fine sci-fi movie? Yea I guess. You decide.

Live long and prosper...

Time of the End

He stands there, just on the rim of time and space. Ancient and wise but yet foolish and unconcerned. Surrounded by so many who proclaim their love and allegiance but yet his hearts feel as if he is all alone.

He never allows himself to be captured, not physically but emotionally and guards the interiors of his domain with fierceness. Infinite wisdom gathered through the ages but never daring to call upon that wisdom. Never allowing that wisdom to guide his life as he uses it to help guide others.

He arrives just long enough to gather our attention, then without warning or provocation, he simply disappears without a trace, never to be heard from again. The length of time that he spends depends upon the moment that he is allocated, or rather has allocated to himself. Time and Space wait for no man and what he seems to be is not what he truly is. Many have tried through the ages to describe him, to understand him to hold him to one belief. But he is who he is and no one truly understands him, not even he himself.

Why oh why does he come into our lives only to leave us? Some say it's the thrill of adventure or possibly the interaction that he has with us fills a void deep with-in his soul if only for a brief period of time.

Time? How does one explain time? Is it just a measure of life or could it be the limited span that he will take with each of us? Time has allowed him to have many companions in his life, sharing moments and adventures with him, thinking we have the rest of our lives to spend this time with him. But then, one day, he is gone. Each and every companion never understanding why they are left behind and no longer needed or included in his life's adventures.

Could it be that he tires of us so easily? Could it be that he has studied us all he needs to and it is once again time to move on? No one knows for sure. All that is really known are the facts and truths and emotions that he hides deep with-in himself, never allowing anyone alien to see his true self. Never letting them inside, fearing the damage that they may do to him. Afraid of primitive emotions that they may awaken inside.

Doubtfully these are the answers or rather the explanations. He holds the key to his own future. Always making choices for his own direction through time that he, himself , is not even aware of the consequences. But to him, each choice unfolds a new adventure in his life and he feels the call for change.

The call for change! Unfortunately, creatures such as he must endure these changes and he alone will suffer if they turn out wrong. Will they? Does he know if they will? Possibly, after all he is suppose to be wise beyond time, age and experience should help him make the decisions that he alone must make. And make them wisely so no harm will ever come to himself, but fate at times, stirs him in wrong directions. "Just another adventure", he tells himself. A lie? He doesn't know.

He is a Timelord, in every sense of the word and meaning. He knows the feel and the pull of the future tugging at his soul and knows that the time is at hand. Time again, time tugging, pulling, knawling at his soul and essence. He can't avoid it, he has tried and failed so many times before. He knows that the future events are inevitible and there is nothing he can do to change them. He has tried and failed, carrying with him the regrets and consequences of the erroneous choices he has made. Why does he do this? Why does he not stop? He is a Timelord and this is all predestined,written in the fabric of time itself.

So when will he once again remove himself in the night from our lives? No one knows, not even the Timelord, until it is embedded in his soul and the urge to move is far to strong to avoid. Soon we suppose, closer than we think, lives will be shaken and hearts will be hurt. The man, the creature, the being that is the Timelord within will move. It cannot be stopped and he knows this. But because he care's, he reviel's none of this to the ones he has grown fond of known as his companions.

Will he regret this? Will he stand alone on his mountain, with the spring breeze blowing his garment as a cape hating the decision that he made? Possibly, but his is the mind that was created around regrets. Simply because he searches for those things humans take for granted. His soul searches for life, and the meaning of it. For beauty that simple poets have yet to experience and write about. A Timelords heart beating loudly in the voids of time and space, searching seemingly an eternity for those of his kind, but finding none. Longing for just a moment to spend with familiar souls, those who are akin to the fiber of his being.

This is why he stays for a moment. This is why he only holds onto us for a brief period of time. This is why we awake out of sleep only to find him gone from our lives. He can't control it, nor would he even know how. All he knows is...someone is out there, someone who can share. Someone who has a kindred spirit with his and he must continue to search for it, long for it, hunger for it. It is inevitability and can not be changed by no one, it has to happen. Events have already been set in motion, now the future will place its mark on time.

.......He is a Timelord, and he knows this.
.........hidden meaning? Only he knows.